Exam Time Insanity (Probably Just Part 1)

I get a little cuckoo when the pressure gets on. Here's a recounting of a conversation that just took place.

Sister In Law: All right, peace out people!

Me, to wife: No, peace in.

Wife: What?

Me: Everyone is always trying to put peace out. I don't know if you've heard, but they're talking about hunting feral cats around here. I'm just saying, let's let peace come in, give it a saucer of milk...

Wife: (goggling)

Me: ...clean its litterbox.

In a related note (at least, it's related if you're as far gone as I am), a bird has again taken up residence in our garage. Only this year, it's a demon nazi bird, refusing to leave the garage until we appease it by letting it feast on the liver of one our children. Yelling, waving things, honking the horn, even closing the garage door: it will not leave. I want Sharon to call the landlord to get the bird out, maybe with a broom or the 101st Airborne. She has so far refused, insisting that I can deal with it.

There's only one thing left to do: I will slake the bird's infernal hunger with one of my nieces. Sorry, Harmony. If there were any other way to protect your cousins and get that bird out of my garage, I would do it.